Something Wicked This Way Comes

So, Ray Bradbury died last week, but as for this Saturday, somehow "Something Pathetic This Way Comes" doesn't have the same ring.

Gather round campers, and let me tell you a story, just so you know from whence I speak.

My mother, a native Houstonian and Catholic (don't worry, not a sectarian story in that sense, just bear with me), was 35 years old in 1960, the year the United States elected its first Catholic president, a young, energetic man very much of her generation. Years later, she would regale us, her assembled brood, with many tales about that time. She spoke of her affection for John F. Kennedy, her sense of hope, how much she loved Jackie, etc. etc. And then, when we asked her to tell us about the horrific events of Nov. 22, 1963, without even hesitating, this was her first response:

"Yeah, that took some of the steam out of Dallas."

Right then, I knew, as a native Houstonian myself, what was what, where was where and who was who.

So, this Saturday, when a team from that town -- a town, mind you, that after years living in the dreary confines of the then-Soviet Union and loving it, that a certain Mr. L.H. Oswald decided looked like a fine place to settle down -- comes to visit, we in the Orange Palace have a nice little welcome awaiting them. The moment Houston Dynamo arrived in 2006, various Houston fans let the recent arrivals know exactly what the score was. Winning in general was a powerful thing, but the Houston/Dallas border war was, well, über alles.

And the team has responded thusly, as, with the exception of the annus horribilus of 2010, the rivalry has been a trifle one-sided. The Orange is 8-3-7 all-time vs. Frisco in MLS play, but the breakdown of all competitions turns the mark even more Orange tinged. To wit:

US Open Cup: 1-0-0

MLS: 8-3-7

MLS playoffs: 1-1-0

Other: 1-1-1

Total: 11-5-8

Which means that in the 24 instances these two teams have kicked a ball in anger against one another, Dynamo have emerged either victorious or drawn 19 times. (And I know the 2007 playoff match can be legitimately tagged as a Dynamo win instead of 1-1-0 since it was a two-legged affair. But remember everyone, charity. When a pathetic beast has been kicked repeatedly, I think we can all grant it whatever scrap it can have. It's what makes us better than them, after all, right?)

But for more, including a take about how San Antonio actually has better attendance numbers than F(U)risco, click beyond the jump.

In a way, you have to feel sorry for Fort Worth. I mean, Cowtown is actually a nice place to be, has a definite history, plenty of art museums (musea?) and much to enjoy. And here they are with their troth eternally bound not only to Dallas, but to the unending ring of parisitic suburbs that suffuse the greater and lesser Metroplexopolis. Fort Worth's plight reminds me of this song:

Though of course, perhaps there are a few reasons to go to Dallas. Well, maybe just one:

Now, much has been written about how much better Frisco is doing when it comes to putting butts in seats, or at least selling tickets, or staging ticket giveaways, or whatever it is they're doing up there in We-Suck-So-Bad-We-Can't-Even-Keep-A-Stadium-Name-Sponsor Park. And thanks to the intrepid Kenn Tomasch, there's a handy-dandy way to keep track of these things. Let's take a look at the relevant particulars

The Major League Soccer G Total Average Median High Low
Seattle 8 308,698 38,587 38,380 39,312 38,301
Montreal 5 182,488 36,498 23,120 60,860 19,223
Los Angeles 7 155,694 22,242 22,143 27,000 16,512
Houston 3 66,117 22,039 22,039 22,039 22,039
Portland 7 143,066 20,438 20,438 20,438 20,438
Kansas City 6 115,061 19,177 19,876 20,404 15,161
Vancouver 6 114,074 19,012 19,333 21,000 15,382
Toronto 6 113,336 18,889 18,710 20,070 18,227
Salt Lake 7 129,403 18,486 18,219 20,415 16,738
Philadelphia 5 91,563 18,313 18,526 19,074 17,189
New York 6 94,939 15,823 15,517 21,024 11,315
Colorado 6 91,165 15,194 15,008 19,152 10,969
Chicago 6 82,380 13,730 13,852 18,075 10,489
DC United 9 123,013 13,668 13,975 16,314 10,135
Chivas USA 7 95,423 13,632 14,127 18,800 7,723
Columbus 6 79,314 13,219 11,747 18,197 10,479
Dallas 8 105,451 13,181 11,953 20,906 10,069
New England 6 70,512 11,752 12,318 16,414 6,149
San Jose 7 81,677 11,668 10,256 21,816 8,734
MLS TOTAL 121 2,243,374 18,540 18,027 60,860 6,149
North American Soccer League G Total Average Median High Low
San Antonio 5 49,750 9,950 9,536 13,151 8,310

So, Dallas is actually back in the land of five digits. Good going guys. Though of course, it is important to see that yes, indeed, those numbers make you the third most popular team in Texas. But how can this be perfesser? 13,181 is certainly greater than the San Antonio Scorpions' 9,950. Ahhhh, but let's look at something simple, like percentage of seats sold. With the BBVA Compass Stadium, that number through three homes games (four is you count this Saturday's sellout) is a nice round 100 percent. One-zero-zero. The Frisco ISD Stadium has a capacity of 20,500, and according to this little math tool here in my brain, I can see that FCD sells/gives away about 64 percent of their seats. San Antonio, meanwhile, plays in Northeast ISD's Heroes Stadium, with a capacity of 11K, giving them a sweet little percentage sold number of just over 90 percent. So hey, Frisco, at least you're in the Top Three. As your therapist no doubt reminds you regularly, we are all winners.

In any event, there are some things to remember here. One, unlike some places we could name, every president who has visited Houston has left alive, which many would consider to be at least the minimal standard. Two, when it comes to history, the book is decidedly orange. And three, while as was pointed out in Zach's post this morning, at that stadium up Frisco there are not spectators. Or at least, not many.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Dynamo Theory

You must be a member of Dynamo Theory to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Dynamo Theory. You should read them.

Join Dynamo Theory

You must be a member of Dynamo Theory to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Dynamo Theory. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9353_tracker