CONCACAF and the infinite monkey theorem

Denis Poroy

Last night's draw for the CONCACAF Champions League group stages were a classic moment of hilarity and incompetence that we've come to expect from our regional governing body.

Last night the Houston Dynamo found out who they would play in the 2013-14 CONCACAF Champions League group stages...twice. Yep. Twice.

The first time around the Dynamo were drawn into Group 7 alongside Club Tijuana and Luis Angel Firpo. My immediate response was annoyance at the idea of two teams I'm a fan of being in the same group. My second response was wait a second, an MLS and Liga MX team can't be in the same group.

When CONCACAF switched to their stupid and ridiculous three team group system last season, they created a rule that prevented teams from the regions top two leagues from playing one another in the group stage of the tournament. So imagine everyone's surprise when the Dynamo and Xolos were in the same group AND the LA Galaxy were in the same group as Cruz Azul.

Confusion. Classic CONCACAF.

At some point someone realized the mistake and word spread that the groups would be partially redrawn to fix the error. An error that never needed to happen in the first place...unless your tournament draw is being managed by CONCACAF.

An hour or so later the fixed groups were announced and the Dynamo learned they would be playing Árabe Unido and W Connection.

I'm glad we got that sorted out.

If you've never heard of the "infinite monkey theorem" it's a theorem that states if you were to put an infinite number of monkeys into a room and allow them to randomly bang on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time, they'll eventually create a text, like a complete work of William Shakespeare.

That's CONCACAF. Monkeys banging on typewriters accidentally getting things right because theoretically if you do something long enough, you're going to accidentally do it right eventually.

Somehow this horribly mismanaged clusteryouknowwhat is a legitimate soccer governing body, tasked with overseeing the sport in North and Central America. I know it gives me and warm and fuzzy feeling, especially considering that the chuckleheads at FIFA aren't any better.

After watching last night's draw unfold I'm convinced, more than ever, that the infinite monkey theorem is both realistic and entirely possible.

Just don't ask me to clean up the mess caused by an infinite amount of monkeys in a room.

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