Turniquet the Bleeding: Part One

Head Coach Dominic Kinnear makes a plea for a call. When it falls on deaf ears, he takes matters into his own hands. - Bob Levey

Aiming to stem the tide of the injury bug's wrath, Head Coach Dominic Kinnear brings forth a sacrifice to the great and powerful Jalapeno.

Our scene opens with a hooded figure entering BBVA Compass Stadium in the dead of night. A light fog envelopes the field as the figure makes his way to the center circle of the pitch, where the hood is removed and a very bald Head Coach Dominic Kinnear is revealed. In his hand he is clutching a small Aurelien Collin doll, and in his other hand is a small pouch of a mysterious powder.

Dom moves about making symbols with the powder and then tossing some over each shoulder while mumbling some unintelligible phrases. He then picks up the doll and lifts it high into the air with both hands.

"Oh great and powerful Jose de Pedro Jalapeno, I beseech you to show mercy upon our poor souls! We have been plagued by well above our fair share of injuries and suspensions, and believe you are just in your ways! Make right these burdens we have endured! Vanquish the evil that lurks on our doorstep!"

As he shakes his hands above his head, a single bolt of lightning seems to come from out of nowhere and strikes the little French doll burning it to a crisp. Dom drops to his knees as a loud booming voice, perhaps over the loud speaker - perhaps not, echoes throughout the stadium.

"You have beckoned the might of the Great Jalapeno, my servant! I accept your pathetic and puny offering - I mean, really, a Frenchman - and now shall make right what has been wrong! May the purity of the orange guide your way, my child."

As the voice dissipates into the emptiness, leaving Dom still cowering upon his knees, Giles Barnes appears from the locker room. He walks slowly at first toward the center circle, and then reaches a frenetic pace.

"By the grace of Jose de Pedro Jalepeno, I have been healed! The gnashing of the injury bug's mandibles be damned!"

Dom rises to his feet with a large grin, then takes one last look up to the Heavens and nods.

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