#5 - Nobody Wants to See That: For some reason 19-year old Liverpool player Jonjo Shelvey thought it would be a good idea to put a picture of a penis on his Twitter account. Guess what? It's not...shocking I know. Jonjo has apologized using the always convenient, "one of my mates messing around with my phone!" excuse. While it's probably the case, you might want different friends. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster I don't follow this guy on Twitter, the last thing I want to see is some guys unit.

#4 - Ochocinco Day: NFL player Chad Ochocinco's much talked about trial with Sporting Kansas City finally happened this week and you know what? It was really positive. Chad showed the people willing to pay attention that playing soccer is not easy, that the level of conditioning required is extremely high and the sport is anything but "one for sissies". Sadly, Jermichael Finley of the Green Bay Packers didn't pay attention and mouthed off about Chad's trial on Twitter.

Man I think this cat @ochocinco is a clown. Bruh soccer seriously, sit down an wait for this lockout to b over and play what u no best.

Guess what Jermichael. You wouldn't last one second on a soccer pitch, despite the fact you're a good athlete. Just shut up please.

#3 - The Reign of Terror To End? Assuming football's biggest nutnick Sepp Blatter gets re-elected as FIFA president, at least we might have a light at the end of one of the longest and darkest tunnels in sports history. According to Blatter, this next term would be his last and he would step down in 2015. Tell you what Sepp, do us all a favor and step down now. We really don't need another four years of your stupidity...then again Mohamed bin Hammam isn't sounding any better right now. It's basically like choosing between going blind or going deaf.

#2 - Ridiculousness Knows No Bounds: As if awarding the 2022 World Cup to Qatar in the first place wasn't absurd enough, we keep getting story after story about the asinine ideas they are coming up with to deal with a simple fact...IT'S TOO F'N HOT TO PLAY A SUMMER TOURNAMENT THERE! In yet another "grasping at straws" idea on pair with air conditioning the stadiums, Qatar is discussing using mechanical floating clouds to provide shade over the stadiums. Really? A Giant hovercraft cloud? Wake me up when FIFA pulls their collective head out their ass and moves the tournament to a legitimate host country. One more thing, if it's hot outside, it's still hot in the shade.

#1 - Curlertonian: Despite being an Evertonian, even I have to point out this amazing image. Towards the end of last weekend's Everton/Fulham match at Goodison Park, the cameras found one of the most amazing sights in the history of crowd photography. I give you, The Curlertonian!

#5 - It Appears You've Forgotten Something: Late in the first half of the Everton v. Birmingham City match on Wednesday, referee Peter Walton awarded a yellow card to Brummies player Jordan Mutch. Trouble is, while Walton raised his hand and booked Mutch, there was no yellow card to bee seen as the official had left his cards in the locker room. Quite amusing really and it certainly makes for a great photo, which Dirty Tackle has. Obviously Walton needs one of those clever ways to ensure that he heads on the pitch with everything he needs. For example, whenever I leave the house I say to myself, "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch"...60% of the time, it works every time.

#4 - Rossi on a Roll: In Villareal's Europa League victory over Bayer Leverkusen, Giuseppe Rossi netted his 24th goal of the season. I only point this out for all the Americans who continue to act like spoiled children and say stupid and classless things to and about Rossi. Get over it. Sure it would be spectacular is Rossi have chosen to represent the US but he didn't. Spend your energy blaming the busted and broken development system at US Soccer.

#3 - Vinnie Jones Has a Dirty Mouth: Now this is a halftime speech...the best part is the apparent voice of a little kid in the background while Vinnie unleashes a cursed filled rant. I think he needs some Orbit gum.

#2 - Mankinis and Red Cards: Nothing goes together like football and mankinis...ok, maybe not, but this guy thought so. Normally when it comes to pitch invaders they get a few seconds before being dragged off by stewards. For whatever reason, this guy makes a few laps of the pitch before Dorchester`s player-manager, Ashley Vickers decides enough is enough and tackles the idiot. Therein lies the problem. This is technically violent conduct and a player that exhibits such conduct against another player, fan, official, anyone really, is to be shown a red card. So the referee did. It's dumb but it's the technically correct decision. Probably a moment though where the ref should have gone with common sense rather than strict interpretation of the rule book.

#1 - In Our Thoughts: My thoughts go out to the nation of Japan and the victims of the devastating earthquake and subsequent tsunami that struck today. There is potential for tsunami's across the Pacific Ocean so we can only hope that these waves fail to seriously affect any more people.

It's too late to change events
It's time to face the consequence
For delivering the proof
In the Anti-Power Rankings

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#5 - United to Stay Glazed: The Glazers are "fully committed" to Manchester United and have no intention of selling the club despite the continued "protest" from fans. I put protest in quotation marks because buying a brand new United jersey and then wearing a green and gold protest scarf over it is just stupid. There are genuine fans out there who are against the Glazers and they are likely making legitimate protest, those idiots at Old Trafford are not protesting anything. They are trying to be cool with the scarf while opening their wallet for the Glazers. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.

#4 - Bad Captain, No Trespassing: Typically you don't want your team captain to get arrested for trespassing in a hotel hallway, so you can imagine how pleased the New England Revolution are with Shalrie Joseph. Last season the team had to deal with Joseph's marijuana issue and now he's earned himself a ticket back home after he can't behave himself. There's no question about Joseph's importance to the Revolution but there is a point where any player can where out his welcome. It will be interesting to see how much New England is willing to put up with.

#3 - Well Look Who Finally Came Back: How nice of David Beckham to finally join up with the LA Galaxy. Let's see how long it takes before he's injured or leaves again. What a bust he has been in MLS and short of being league MVP and leading the Galaxy to a MLS Cup this season, there is little he will be able to do redeem himself. The sooner this guy is gone, the better. He's made a mockery of MLS and really done nothing but insult American soccer fans.

#2 - As.com Makes an Ass of Itself: The web site AS.com posted a photograph of the controversial first goal Barcelona scored against Atheltic Bilbao last weekend. There was a fair amount of debate as to whether or not Dani Alves was offside. There is no doubt it was a close call, but AS.com went a little overboard in their attempts to show that the fullback jumped the gun. The top image was the original picture posted by the website, the bottom is the corrected image. See if you can see what's missing from the first.

#1 - What a Dive: We've all seen bad dives over the years. Like it or not, it's part of the game. However, things have been escalated to a whole new level of pathetic with this dive from Chilean U-20 defender Bryan Carrasco. Unbelieveable.

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#5 - The King of Limbs: The only bigger than football is the release of Radiohead's new album, 'The King of Limbs'...the band released it via digital download this morning and it's another spectacular album from the greatest band in the known universe. I love Radiohead.

#4 - 25 Days and Still No Plan: We're 25 days from MLS First Kick 2011 and we still have no clue how the playoffs will work. You'd think MLS would announce their plans before the season starts but if any league would start a season without a clearly defined playoff structure, it's MLS. What could possibly be holding things up? Are the owners bickering amongst one another about how many teams get it in or how the teams will be seeded? Is Garber trying to shoehorn the conference structure so he can get another one of his precious "moments"? Whatever it is, it's dumb and a pointless delay that may not actually hurt anything long term, but it's just another thing that MLS can't seem to do efficiently.

#3 - Mad Gattuso: I love Gennaro Gattuso. His behavior after Milan's 1-0 loss to Spurs probably isn't a good example of sportsmanship but I won't hold it against him. Fight on Gattuso!

#2 - Grant Wahl's Nonsense: Way to go Grant, you're so hilarious. "Running" against Sepp Blatter for FIFA President, setting up Facebook pages, it must be nice to have so much free time. Either you're trying to become SI's new version of Rick Reilly or the editors of SI came together and decided something random needed to be done to increase hits to the website. Either way, you succeeded in drumming up all sorts of blind support for your nonsense on Twitter, along with a highly annoying hash tag. I'm not pro-Blatter and I'm not saying some of your proposed ideas aren't bad, but I am saying that it's stupid and another example of your veiled disdain for women's football. That said, he's got us talking about the upcoming FIFA presidential election and reminding us how desperately that old fool Sepp needs to be diposed. Problem is, the only man standing up at the moment to do so, Mohammad Bin Hammam, isn't really sounding that much better. FIFA is just a broken mess and it's going to take serious changes to actually make anything better...and I don't see that happening.

#1 - Did I Mention: that I love Radiohead?

#5 - A Fascinating Read: Take a few minutes and read Neil Morris' article, "An inside look at the rise and fall of the Carolina RailHawks: From Game Day to eBay". It's an interesting look at the dysfunction that surrounded the team and how the rights to the franchise ended up for sale on eBay. It's a really crazy story of how even with all the positives the team had going for it (tremendous training and game day facilities for a lower division team), they struggled to anything right and really seemed to squander a lot of potential.

#4 - Are We Really Surprised?: Sepp Blatter this week admitted there was collusion in the World Cup host voting for the 2018 and 2022 tournaments. Better yet, he doesn't give a damn. Not that we should really be surprised that the collusion occurred or that Sepp could care less, but if this isn't enough to completely make you hate FIFA, the blinders must be super glued to your head. Every time we think we've seen the worst of FIFA, they manage to dip to new and even lower levels of depravity. It's disgusting abject corruption that spits in the face of everything that is good about the game. I've had enough honestly and I'm done with international football.

#3 - Let's All Laugh at Arsenal: Come on now Gunners. A 4-0 lead at halftime over Newcastle and you end up with a 4-4 draw? Shame on you. No blaming the referee (even though he was atrocious), even a man down and hard done by you still handed over a 4 goal lead. It's the greatest meltdown in Premier League history and it couldn't of happened to a more likable bunch...

#2 - An Epic Handball: There have been many infamous handballs in the sport of soccer. Diego Maradona's "Hand of God" and Theirry Henry's cheating that propelled France in to the 2010 World Cup are easily the biggest, but that doesn't mean that epic moments of outright cheating only occur on the sport's biggest stages. Case in point, this handball from the Conference North in England.

#1 - #mlsscheduleislatebecause: As MLS fans waited for the release of the full 2011 schedule on Thursday, an innocent hash tag set the Twitterverse on fire and was trending worldwide for some of the day. Even though the hash tag and tweets were poking fun at the league, I think the general reaction was extremely positive and the "Any publicity is good publicity" theory was in full effect. Who knows how many tweets were sent with the hash tag, but it certainly made the wait for the schedule release an entertaining experience.

"Oh Anti-Power Rankings, someday I'll read you 'til you die
Oh Anti-Power Rankings, Punch you in the Eye"

Another Friday brings another edition of the Anti-Power Rankings. This week I discuss Fernando Torres, FIFA's witch hunt against the Snood, a triple threat match in the media and more.

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#5 - Nothing: I've got nothing. I've been sitting here all day and I'm completely uninspired. Better luck next week.

#4 - SuperLiga: Just die already! This cash grab nonsense has got to stop. Nobody cares anymore and quite frankly it's become a pointless attempt to score points with Hispanic soccer fans in the US by bringing Mexican League teams to play against MLS teams. Problem is, the fans don't stick around and that's fine, it's there prerogative. What's annoying is SUM's ridiculous belief that this stupid for-show tournament is somehow bringing fans to MLS that might not normally give the league a chance. Attendance at these games is terrible, even in cities with large Hispanic communities. Let it die so teams can focus on more important pursuits.

#3 - I like that Boon-Boo-Ree!!: Ian Darke's famous "Go Go USA!" call after Landon Donovan's late match winner against Algeria will always have a special place in the hearts of American soccer fans. However, there is always room for more fantastic play-by-play moments and thanks to Pablo Ramirez, we got one during the USMNT friendly against Chile last weekend. Ramirez' moment of genius has spawned a remix and taken its place amongst the great moments in US Soccer history. Sure, the game and the goal itself aren't of major significance, but it's fun and it's exciting and we could all use more moments of fun.

#2 - The Spanish Football Federation: The RFEF fined Lionel Messi for lifting his jersey after a goal to show a shirt emblazoned with a birthday message for his mother. The €2,500 fine will hardly hurt Messi's wallet and it's technically in the rules but honestly, who cares? I suppose the federation worries that if harmless messages like these are allowed, the chance for political messages or potentially offensive messages showing up increases. Still, it's harmless and fun and there is nothing worse that the idea of taking fun out of football...after all when you look past the business and the money, it's still a game.

#1 - Norwich City Football Club are Going to Hell!: I wouldn't suggest this is neccesarily informative, but it sure is funny...at least the first line is.

Welcome back to another edition of the Anti-Power Rankings, your weekly review of the best, most ridiculous and worst news from the past week in the world of football. This week, I discuss US Soccer's failings, Sir Alex's diarrhea of the mouth, Pulpo Paul's new monument and more.

So follow me across the jump and enjoy this week's Anti-Power Rankings!

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