clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Power Rankings: Why so serious?

So you've been waiting in unbearable anticipation, I just know it. The time has come once again for "Fuzion does the Power Rankings". I know it's been a long time coming, mostly due to changing jobs, but nevertheless it is here! Can you feel the excitement? This time around I've changed up the process just a little, and if you're interested -- well, you'll just have to jump to join us, now won't you?

Yes, I'm a cruel, cruel person, what with me teasing you with some Thin Lizzy right off the bat. You just know this week is going to be full of classic rock glory, as well as some well thought out one-timers for selected teams. That's just how we do it here on!

Ginge asked me to be a part of the MLS Power Rankings as the Dynamo Theory rep -- since Ginge is so very Anti-PR. Utilizing the fact I'm already figuring out what teams deserve to be called the best of the best, and those who so dutifully deserve to be the worst of the absolute worst, I figured I'd piggy back off those and pull the top 10 each week. So, without further adieu, here is this week's Fuzion does the PRs.

10) Houston Dynamo -- Ouch, this one hurt to rank our boys so low, but truth be told they aren't ready for anything higher in the rankings yet. Other teams have had plenty of chance to prove to me whether they are legit or all hype -- cough cough Gals cough cough. It's possible the Dynamo will move up these rankings with a few more games, but it's going to require seeing Luiz Camargo on the pitch at CAM more than JeVaughn Watson.

9) Chicago Fire -- The Fire frustrate me so much. They are a hard team to judge because one game they'll go out and beat a team like KC, then the next week they lose to the Timbers. They've lost to the Goats for goodness sake! Inconsistency is the word I have to use to define Chicago right now, and unless they become more consistent they will find themselves outside the top ten very soon.

8) Colorado Rapids -- Another team I have trouble figuring out is Colorado, except for one key part of who they are. They are without a doubt a team who plays pretty well at home. Whether you chalk it up to the higher altitude or the fan support at home, it's clear the Rapids enjoy home field advantage. One loss at home versus five on the road is a real problem, and this is another team who may find themselves on the outside looking in next week.

7) Vancouver Whitecaps -- Who would've thought the Whitecaps would start the season like they have? They've enjoyed as much success at home as on the road, and have experienced just as muss failure on the road. The Whitecaps are a team built the right way, and have the potential to make the playoffs in the Western Conference. It astonishes me how good they have been, and nothing speaks to that more than their last five games -- 3 wins, a draw, and a loss. If they keep their form, they could very well find themselves positioned to make a solid playoff run.

6) DC United -- This team thrives on the ability of ex-Dynamo Dwayne DeRosario, and also simply need their home field advantage. They've managed to put up an impressive home record of 5-1-2, but they just seem to falter when they have to travel. However, they have proven how easily they can score, possessing a eight goal differential currently. They look primed for a run at the playoffs barring any major injuries.

5) Sporting "Sporks" KC -- The Sporks have been awful as of late, winning only one of their last five games, but they started the season strong enough to prove they can beat teams. The month of May simply has not been kind to the Sporks, losing to L'impact and drawing with the aforementioned Fire. The team who started out so strong has been shown to be incredibly vulnerable when game-planned against effectively.

4) Seattle Flounders -- Just like the fish the team is named for, this team is known for flopping. Whether it's Astroturf or real grass, or some weird middle ground between the two, you can guarantee Freddy "Swan Dive" Montero will be eating it multiple times -- and rarely ever by the force or result of contact from a defender. If MLS is serious about dealing with embellishment then they should start with Montero and the Flounders. It would eliminate a good 25% of all flopping in the league in one swift move!

3) San Jose Earthquakes -- San Jose is a very well built team. Wondo has really matured into a true force as an Earthquakes Forward, and it's pretty cool to see. He's managed an astounding 11 goals in 12 games, also notching 3 assists over that stretch as well. It's no surprise, given his time under Dom and Spencer, but it's still good to see the fruit of their labor. I only wish we hadn't traded him away. How nice would he be paired up with Bruin or Chinger? --drool--

2) New York Red Bulls -- No team has surprised me more than the Red Bulls. I had assumed, like many of you, with Marquez staying the circus would be far too much to overcome. Yet in the last two months, New York has lost only once and drawn only once, and both of those games were back in April! Somehow, they continue to find ways to win, but the real question is when does the circus show back up? Soon, very very soon.

1) Real Salt Lake -- No team defines continued dominance quite like RSL in the current era. They are what the Quakes and Dynamo were in the mid to late 2000's. Rimando has been stellar, making very few mistakes, and they continue to find ways to win. They pull wins out of nowhere, and best of all, they've done it against teams not named Dynamo.

Disagree with my rankings of the top 10? Have qualms with where a team lies? Take it up in the comments. And finally, to sate your appetite, my special tribute to the Gals...

See ya next week!