Non-Orange Things: Keep Calm and Chelis On

Here's the latest going around Major League Soccer that doesn't have to do with the men in orange.

Chicago Fire

Got their second win of the season this past weekend against the Crew. The Fire have been more like smoldering embers but maybe they have finally gotten enough air and are getting ready to ignite.

Chivas USA

I think Chelis is my favorite thing this season. I don't really care what the team does but the man is a quote machine and have you seen his sweaters? Priceless.

"When my grandchildren misbehave, I will tell them I'm going to send them to Utah."

"It's raining, gray, cold and there are no people on the streets."

I am so glad Chelis has a Twitter.

Colorado Rapids

Injuries are really all you can say about the Rapids. They lost both Edson Buddle and Marvell Wynne against the Sounders over the weekend. Buddle began to experience knee pain before the game and Wynne left the game with a right quad strain that may have him out for a few weeks.

Deshorn Brown was injured during training last Friday.

Columbus Crew

Not having a massive start to the season the Crew is currently 2-2-3 with 9pts in the Eastern Conference.

Maybe they all just need to go to dinner at the 'Land of Magic' and do some team building.

D.C. United

Speaking of team building. Good Luck Benny.

FC Dallas

Am I going to bring up George John being hit in the head by a beer bottle thrown by a Dallas fan? No.

But I will bring up that Budweiser announced that they will be changing the design of their cans so that there will be an indent in the cans so that they look more like their bow tie logo. That sob you hear is from Dallas fans upset that this design change will cause a loss of aero dynamics when cans are thrown at players.

LA Galaxy

Landon Donovan is back playing 90 minutes.

His EMPTY net goal for this weekend is up for Goal of the Week. Really MLS? Shall we give him the Ballon D' Or while we are at it?

Mike Magee was asked what has been different this season without David Beckham on the team. "We don't get as many female fans chasing the buses and stuff."

New York Red Bulls

Are once again underwhelming. Granted they do sit fourth in the East they have a losing record so far at 3-4-2.

According to Mike Petke 'It just isn't good enough'

Philadelphia Union

The Union are tied in points with the Red Bulls. Yeah just let that one sink in for a bit.

San Jose Earthquakes

Alan Gordon. Oh Alan Gordon. He is currently serving a four game suspension. One game for a red card and the other three for dropping a homophobic slur during a game against the Timbers. There really isn't much to say about the situation that hasn't already been said. But he also gets to go to sensitivity training so a more sensitive Alan is coming to an MLS town near you.

In other stupid life choices some of the Earthquakes supporters reportedly got into an altercation with a Timbers fan busting the windows on his car and grabbing him. As a result the club has decided to impose sanctions against the 1906 Ultras the Quakes supporter group.

Seattle Sounders

Are awful. The only good thing I can really say about the Sounders at this point is their black kit is BAMF.

Who wants to go over/under on the Sounders winning 14 games?

Toronto FC

Ryan Nelsen confirmed that Toronto is interested in bringing Kevin Davies to the team. The Captain of the Bolton Wanders contract is set to expire at the end of the season and it doesn't appear that the Wanderers are going to be bringing him back.