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World Cup 2014: German Machine Makes History (Good); Host Too (REALLY BAD)

Talk about unpimping Brazil... Gehman engineering... in da haus!

You wouldn't be happy either...
You wouldn't be happy either...
Laurence Griffiths

Remember the "Unpimp Ze Auto" ad campaign a few years back? Germany today was the Volkswagen guy and Brazil was the unpimped cars.

Brazil was the glitz and glamour, the pimped ride. Germany came in their whites (actually black and red today) and took that ride... for a ride... then crushed it.

Brazil, you got an F today and you were just lame.

I was going to wait after tomorrow’s Netherlands-Argentina match to talk about what the legacy of this current World Cup could be and other observations about the tournament.

Today though, something happened that will definitely rank among the most remembered World Cup games ever… and deserves an article on its own.

You probably saw, as stunned as I was, Germany obliterate a once proud five-time winner at their own freaking house… 7-1!!! Never has Brazil looked so amateur, lost, apathetic, and broken EVER. Never has a former World Cup powerhouse/winner been humiliated like this save the really rare case; like Netherlands destroying Spain 5-1 in the first round of this same tournament, or Denmark destroying a very different Uruguay 6-1 in 1986.

I was going to write about how competitive the World Cup has been in the sense that until today the biggest margin of victory was only four (Netherlands 5, Spain 1; Croatia 4, Cameroon 0; Germany 4, Portugal 0) compared to seven in 2010 (Portugal 7, North Korea 0), six in 2006 (Argentina 6, Serbia-Montenegro 0), and eight in 2002 (Germany 8, Saudi Arabia 0). Then THIS happens… on a semifinal? Wait, what??

Big blowouts are reserved for minnows like Zaire, Haiti, or El Salvador… not mighty Brazil; and not in a semifinal, but a first round. This has got to be the most shocking score maybe EVER in a World Cup and I, at least, have been watching since 1982.

How bad were the Brazilians? See if you can catch the comments by analyst and former English international Steve McManaman again. His voice was one of utter shock and he did not mince criticisms. I agreed in his assessments.

Germany has played very well and they have talents, OK. Brazil has looked average and only Neymar shined; and he was out… we get that. Still, how can this destruction be explained? I could understand 3-0 but THIS? The defense was absolutely in shambles and Brazilian players had a lack of ideas, playing the long ball like they were English. No jogo bonito and no freaking jogo at all!

At least Alejandro Sabella has figured out how to put order in his defense in Argentina, because they will need security at the back if they reach the final. Netherlands will take notice too. Neither, though, will or should look as brutally weak as this bad impersonation of Brazil we saw today. It’s the end of Luiz Felipe Scolari and most of these players… who are clearly not the 2002 squad that won it all.

Now on to you, fellow readers:

Explain this (thing): What on Earth happened to Brazil?