Ginge's Anti-Power Rankings: HOOLIGAN LARPing

FADE IN:

INT. DYNAMO THEORY WRITING ROOM - DAY (PRESUMABLY)

The lights go out and a familiar, but long unheard theme song begins blaring from speakers that no one ever realized were there.

The door to the room flies open as smoke clearly produced by a machine pours in, and a silhouette stands in the door frame, illuminated from behind by a bright white light.

The figure steps forward, revealing himself.

GINGE

I'm back.

SCENE DISSOLVES TO BLACK

That's right! Ginge's Anti-Power Rankings are back!

So without further adieu, let's jump right in.

1. NEW YORK HOOLIGAN LARPing.

Shame on you. Shame on every single one of you.

My favorite moment during the video is anytime the camera pans back to show the McDonald's in the background. Imagine being over there, trying to enjoy your Egg McMuffin or Big Mac, only to hear the sounds of police sirens as two groups of morons start launching projectiles over the heads of the cops trying to keep them apart. No doubt these poor diners at America's most notorious shit hole fast food joints watched on in shock as what appeared to be a reenactment of a scene from Gangs of New York played out right in front of them.

If they can get the choreography down, this could turn into West Side Story eventually.* For now though, the chaotic nature of the exchange is definitely more Scorsese than Sondheim adapting Shakespeare.

Imagine the cops who have way better things to do on their shift that deal with these chuckleheads. Imagine all the minorities that weren't profiled, harassed, and exposed to police brutality because these fine officers were too busy moderating a live action role playing event.

I'm guessing the sales at that particular McDonald's went us as people rushed to buy french fries and apples pies so they could enjoy the hilarity. Imagine if they sold popcorn.

2. International Call-Ups

The annual summer tradition of finding even more ways to erode the physical health of the world's greatest soccer players continues with two major tournaments. Euro 16 and Copa America will both absorb a large swatch of players into their spongy bosoms, spend a few weeks wringing out some more sweat and talent, before unceremoniously discharging their exhausted remains back at the front doors of their individual clubs.

At least most of the players will get a month off to relax before the grind of a new season begins. MLS based players won't even get that as they'll leave their teams mid-season, leaving some sides in a total lurch for a month. Thankfully this is a league designed to allow teams to survive both terrible starts and mid-season slumps. The ever expanding playoff system ensures that even the unworthy could get a shot at a trophy, so while it's a bummer to see some of the best players gone, it doesn't really matter too much.

Unless they get injured.

3. NYCFC

Losing to a "rival" is never fun.

Losing to a "rival" at home -- playing on a baseball field -- is really never fun.

Losing to a "rival" at home  -- playing on a baseball field -- while not scoring a goal is really really never fun.

Losing to a "rival" at home  -- playing on a baseball field --  while not scoring a goal, and allowing SEVEN goals is more than enough justification for a franchise to just be contracted.

4. Luis Suárez's hamstring

Whether you love or loathe the Uruguayan super striker, you have to at least admit that any many international tournament is made better if Luis Suárez is involved. He's never dull, so at best, you're going to get a few wonder goals and the enjoyment that comes from watching those poorly recorded Vines off TV sets over and over.

On the other hand, he might revert to his vampiric tendencies and bite someone again.

For the Uruguayan fan, it's probably pretty damn stressful. For the soccer loving neutral, it's captivating sports opera at its best. Will we see sublime footy prowess OR a grown man sinking his teeth into another grown man.

Either way, we win.

5. So yeah, I'm back ... a little.

Hi everybody!

Did you miss me?

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*I stole this joke from Jeff Strong